Buckeyeville

People often wonder what it is about Columbus (aka Buckeyeville) that I can't take. After all, I did live in Dayton for crying out loud and I've spent plenty of time in Cleveland, Toledo, Marietta, Canton, Akron to have a pretty good sense of what life is in those cities.

Here's what I couldn't take about Buckeyeville straight from the Columbus Dispatch...

According to the Dispatch, today's Top Ten stories in today's paper

• Try as it might, OSU can't erase autograph mess
• New turf is likely to be one hot topic
• Body found in Alum Creek State Park
• Rating the quarterbacks
• Many have affinity for ZIP codes
• At a glance: Ohio State's open practice tonight
• Worthington misses mark
• Well-inspected
• Miners may be entombed forever, official says
• Training camp will be all business

So in Buckeyeville, one of the top stories today is the installation of new turf in the stadium? Four of the top ten stories is about OSU football? At least here in the 'nati, we've got murders at peace rallies, development of large piles of dirt on the river, a Bengal being arrested, Red's losing, etc.

It just always occurred to me that there was an apparent poison in the water up there that can only have you talking about Buckeye football. No thanks.

So it appears I will be in perpetual exile from Buckeye City, until I can name my kid Tressel, Archie or Woody.