Sunday, December 28, 2008

The List

Ok, you've decided that you are going to do a New Year's resolution to get back in shape. So you roll into your basement to look for your old workout gear.

Leg Warmers....check
Sweatbands........ check.
Nut hugger gym shorts..... check
Sony Walkman..... check

You whip out that Walkman and decide that the Carpenter's Greatest Love Song mix tape you made for your college girlfriend is probably not going to motivate you to do an hour on the treadmill.

What do you do?

First, don't panic.

Second, go buy some new gym shorts that don't have you looking like Larry Bird in his last championship.

Third, burn the leg warmers and sweatbands.

Finally, go buy yourself one of these new mp3 player things.

Let me give you a list of what I think are the best 15 songs to get you through the burn.

1) Welcome to the Jungle, Guns and Roses. This song will get the juices flowing right out of the gate. Those Axl Rose wails will have you feel like your running from some deranged cyclops.
(for a change of pace go with Paradise City).

2) Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen. Hey, the title says it all (c.o.p No Surrender, Badlands).

3) Long Train Running, Doobie Brothers. You'll be singing right along with this one. Hopefully, that person next to you can't hear it (c.o.p. China Grove)

4) Train Kept a Rollin', Aerosmith. Hey, you're rollin'. Keep rollin'. (c.o.p. Dream On, Mama Kin)

5) Superman (Live), The Kinks. Nothing like a song describing your "old bony knees" to get you fired up. But the guitar rift in this song will definitely have you moving. (c.o.p. All Day and All of the Night, You Really Got Me).

6) In Bloom, Nirvana. Again, a power rift that will knock the sweat off of your face. (c.o.p Smells Like Teen Spirit, Lithium).

7) Achille's Last Stand, Led Zeppelin. This song is right in the middle of that workout. And just like your workout, you think it's just about over right in time for a even bigger stampede of sound. (c.o.p. Trampled Under Foot, Whole Lotta Love).

8) Needle and the Spoon (live), Lynyrd Skynyrd. Sure, it's a song about shooting heroin..... you're running...... about the same.

9) Rock and Roll (live), Heart. My way of getting another Led song on the list. None the less, A great cover and a drum solo that will have your heart pounding. (c.o.p Magic Man).

10) If You want Blood, AC/DC. This is you talking to your treadmill. (c.o.p. Whole Lotta Rosie, TNT).

11) That Smell, 3 Doors Down. Another Lynyrd Skynyrd song about heroin. Is there a connection? (c.o.p. Kryptonite (Live)).

12) Land of Confusion, Disturbed. An old Genesis cover and I like the song.

13) Paranoid, Black Sabbath. Just because your paranoid doesn't mean someone's not following you (c.o.p. Iron Man).

14) Gimme Shelter, The Rolling Stones. You're almost done. Just think, Mick burns more calories in a show than you just did..... and he's 60 (c.o.p Sympathy for the Devil).

15) You Could be Mine, GNR. Another spoon of H waiting for you. this song's your way of saying F off (c.o.p. Civil War).

There you have it. Load these songs and you burn 100 calories just listening to them or you'll have this unusual craving for coke and heroin.

2 comments:

midas mulligan said...

One note... try to avoid Axl's shorts in the live version of You Could Be Mine

Anonymous said...

Can I have the Carpenter's tape?
Bartman