Moving up the cool ladder

Probably my best attribute is my self awareness. Given that I am an accountant who also does political blogging, I realize that I am near the bottom on the coolness scale.

Nothing illustrates that more than my understanding of fashion. For me, a fashion trend is when a new truck load of clothes shows up at the nearest Sam's Club.

None the less, by my calculations, I am cooler then the following groups of losers. In order, they are....

Senators
Dungeons and Dragon participants
NFL Draft Groupies


Let me just say that if you go to a local sports bar tomorrow equipped with a binder of your notes, a copy of a Drug Store List and a lock of Mel Kiper's hair, you are a loser. You get even more loser points if you meet other losers at the bar.

I have never understood the fascination with the NFL draft. I mean the draft has been a place where teams spend lots of money to scout and draft "can't miss" talents like Kenneth Sims, Tim Couch, Ryan Leaf, Dan Wilkinson, Steve Emtman, Tony (The Incredible Shrinking Lineman) Mandarich, KiJana Carter, Ricky Williams, or Heath Shuler.

But what's worse are the guys who track this charade like the second coming. Here's a few rules you can follow for tomorrow's draft.

1) I can randomly pull a guy's name out of a hat and he'll have a better chance of being all pro than the guy you think is a "can't miss".

2) Whoever the Bengals, Browns or Lions pick will be a total loser. How do I know? Well, Because they'll be a Bengal, Brown or Lion.

3) As soon as the first team trades their pick, your mock draft is totally blown for the whole day.

So take some advise from a CPA. If you are set to go to a sports bar tomorrow, don't do it.

Instead, be cooler than those guys and call your local dungeon master.