Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, I've really tried to give the World Cup a shot. I've watched more soccer in the past two weeks than I have an entire lifetime. Even the vuvuzelas are strating to grow on me.

None the less, I get why Euro's and liberals love the sport. You see, no matter how horrible you are, it's always close. It's the sport world's equivalent of distributing the wealth.

I could put together a group of 12 homeless dudes from Golden Gate Park and promise that if they keep a game against Brazil close I'll buy each of them a bottle of Malt Liquor.

The outcome of the game will probably be 2-0, maybe 3-0 when a Brazilian fan offers my goal keeper whiskey.

I love listening to all the post game comments where the analysts use all these cliches to describe what amounts to a lack of action; it's oh so liberal. See soccer is less substance and more style. Take any popular American sport and you can judge the performance in hard, objective statistics; none of this nuanced "they aggressively attacked the goal" bs.

Now keep in mind, that I'm a guy who spent 12 years in track and field, a sport immensely popular in Europe but not in the US. I can appreciate the sport but I can understand how your average American can't relate.

So if you are one of those liberals dying to comment about how I'm some Neanderthal because I think soccer sucks, remember that wine sipping, Obama like, arrogant, elitism says more about you than me.

But don't take my word for it.................

The world's most popular sport? Puh-leeze. This is like saying that dirt is more popular than gold simply because there is more of it. Last time I checked, soccer was very popular where starvation, archery, and badminton were the alternative activities. Where soccer has to compete with the NFL, college football, and basketball -- not to mention WWE, the X Games, cheerleading contests, and cage-fighting -- not so much.

And no, I am not some redneck soccer newbie who has never been exposed to the sport. Actually, I attended the prep school that brought the sport to the Research Triangle area of North Carolina -- one of the first soccer hotspots in the country. We are talking multiple decades ago. And frankly, I rather enjoyed playing it in one of the southeast's first little league soccer organizations and in high school PE class.

But watching it? Oh my God. The only thing more predictable than Barack Obama blaming George W. Bush and BP is that when you flip over to World Cup coverage, the score will be 0-0. I don't care who is playing or where you are in the game...er, match. It will be 0-0. And for those who think watching the grass grow is more exciting, I think these matches are so long they do have to mow the pitch at halftime. (Hey -- I know they call it a pitch, not a field. Told you I was not a redneck newbie.)

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