He'll not sell

Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger, Jr., Chairman of the NY Times, has said on no certain terms will he sell the paper off.

In keeping with our progressive standards we intend to keep this paper and ruin it like progressives have done to our nation's cities for decades.

Within a period of a decade, we will have taken the paper of record for the entire United States down to the level of your local alternative city newspaper, thus truly connecting with our liberal, I mean, progressive roots.

We will never allow this paper to be run by conservative corporations who will operate this paper to actually do things like, objectively report facts on national issues, hire competent news staffers unlike Jayson Blair, and finally, make money.

That's all I have to say until I complete my sex act on Obama.

Thank you.