Oh my God, we're all gonna die

File this one in the government scare folder.

Apparently, we're all going to die of MRSA, a skin infection resistant to some antibiotics. Somehow, I made it through alar, red dye #5, Y2K, acid rain, SARS, bird flu, etc. I'll take my chances with MRSA.

Look, the fact is, we're all going to die. It's a 100% probability. Quit giving the public a collective anxiety attack so you can sell advertisements.

I was in the store last weekend with the future Mrs. Gekko and she just about fainted when I put groceries in the kid seat of the cart.

The future Mrs. Gekko "Don't you realize there's probably fecal matter in that seat."

Gordon, "Honey it's a can of beans, if fecal matter can penetrate those beans, I'm probably already dead."

With my Nostradamus like ability, I'll predict that within five years, we'll all be required to have antibacterial wipes in our possession or we'll be faced with a fine.

Now give me my damn can of beans.