Last April, I outlined a list of the world's biggest losers.
These are the types of people accountants, computer gamers and Star Wars groupies actually call out as losers. Those groups are in no particular order senators, Dungeon and Dragon players and NFL draft groupies.
I need to add one to the list............... Bengals fans
Now your average Bengal fan looks at this up coming season and says "Wow! we signed a bunch of free agents this off season, had a great draft, a favorable schedule and Chad's got a great attitude. We'll have a great season!" (translation......... another 7-9 record). It's like watching Lucy pulling the ball from Charlie Brown.
So I'm here to help explain to your average Bengals fan why the Bengals will be horrible once again (as if 18 of 19 losing seasons wasn't enough evidence)
First, you have to start with what finished last year. The team ended 4-11-1. They were absolutely horrible. If they were to stay with the same team as last year, they would even be worse.
Second, there was not one game changer in their free agent signings. They lost their best receiver in TJ and replaced him with Laverneus Cole; at best a push.
Third, they had a great draft. Guess what? So did 31 other teams. You won't know until these guys suit up and play whether they'll be any good or not. Let's remember other great Bengal draft signings; Ricky Dixon, Pete Koch, Kijana Carter, Big Daddy Wilkinson, Akili Smith..... Not exactly a draft track record that invokes confidence
In addition, part of having a great draft is actually having your drafted players in camp! Once again, the Bengals are one of the last teams to get their number one into camp. I've heard sport talk clowns criticize Andre Smith for not signing and getting in. It reminds me of a great quote from Greg Allman I recently read "After my sixth marriage, I started to wonder if it was me."
How is it that the Bengals always have these holdouts? Have they wondered whether or not it might be them? Maybe it's not the player.
Finally, the schedule may or may not work out for the Bengals. Teams can shift fairly dramatically for an NFL team (unless you are the Bengals, Lions and Raiders who always suck). Last years Cardinals may be the 2007 Cardinals. Bengals fan always like to hang their hat on the number of losses their team had against playoff teams. Never factoring that the reason they are playoff teams is that they get to play the Bengals
So once again, if you don't want to be made fun of by a gang of Coldplay fans or a gaggle of Guitar Hero addicts or a litter of Perez Hilton Twitter followers, quit giving Mike Brown your money and attention.
5 comments:
Hopefully you are a better CPA than a football analyst.
Exactly what did I say that was incorrect?
your a fag. the bengals have true fans and are always optimistic. youve gotta be a gay browns or steelers fan. maybe even ravens but neway your a big douche.
It's clear from all your grammar errors and misspellings that you are, in fact retarded enough to be a Bengals fan.
It's a bit late, but I just stumbled upon this blog and I have to agree wholeheartedly. Living in Cincinnati and not being a Bengals fan, or a fan of any team for that matter, is like being the sole lemming who didn't jump. Like those who follow liberalism it is what they see through rose-tinted glasses that matters. If there were a measure on the ballot that required every Hamilton county resident to pay $400 extra a year to keep the team in town I am certain that it would pass. Such is the unrivaled stupidity of Bengals fans.
Bill Blessing
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