State of the Pols

A transcript excerpt from my state of the pol speech delivered last night to the coyote in my back yard.

Thank you fellow bloggers, blog readers, various nimble minded individuals and progressives.

I come here today to report on our State of the Pols.

The State of our Pols has never been worse. (applause)

Let's begin with give aways. Every pol in our country wants to give you everything and charge you nothing. It doesn't matter if we're talking about a president, representative, state legislature, city councilman, or elected dog catcher. They all have a promise to provide you with something for nothing. (camera shot of Hillary smiling)

Not since God created, well, everything, has a miracle of this magnitude been performed. Yet every politician will have you believe that they can provide you with something without taking from someone. (zoom in on the anonymous kid in a wheel chair)

At one time, this premise was confined to liberal pols. But now republicans have seized the message and are able to promise new auto jobs for Michigan, tax rebates in excess of what we pay in, and happy days forever.

All you have to do is elect them and you can have all you want; the endless buffet of consumption. (standing applause from half the room)

Of course, nothing can be given without it being fair. So if you only pay two dollars in federal income tax you should get the same three hundred dollar rebate as the guy paying $300,000 in federal income tax. (Shot of John McCain clapping vigorously)

Once again, even though God never promised a "fair life", politicians can promise it, and you suck it up like a cold Mountain Dew in the desert. (smattering of claps)

(snip)

But as we review our pols, we must remember those things that they do not deliver on, Social Security reform. Everyone can see the impending train wreck on the horizon. Can we find someone to address it this campaign season; not with a search warrant.

Medicare, a worse calamity. (camera zooms in on Obama)

What about our national infrastructure? After the New Orleans levee & Minneapolis bridge failures, you would think there would be a national campaign to rebuild our infrastructure but in fact, it will probably take a thousand more deaths before anyone will step up and get things done. (standing ovation)

(snip)

Maybe worse than all the empty promises and non delivery of fundamental government service, is the lack of integrity within these offices. (a smattering of claps)

Since the beginnings of government, politicians have been susceptible to bribery. Now, not only do we have bribery, but we have crooks who hide the evidence in their freezers. (shot of William Jefferson)

In addition, even the sexual peccadillos have been more brazen. Most extra marital liaisons took place in hotel rooms with a staffer. Now they occur in the Oval Office with an intern and bathrooms stalls with a person of unknown origin. (zoom shot of Larry Craig)

So as I conclude, it is incumbent upon all of us as voters to rid ourselves of this lowest form of humanity, the politician. It will take a enormous effort on our parts as voters to..... (shot of voters with glazed donut looks of bewilderment)

Oh, never mind. (coyote howls)