Spring sprouts the ultimate losers

Do you remember that movie with the hot torrid sex scene where Cameron Diaz rips off the accountant's shirt to reveal his bulging 2 liter abs and they go wild for hours?

Or how about the one where Sharon Stone runs rips off the visor or some middle aged accountant and runs her hand over his tremendously slick dome?

Or where Penelope Cruz is infatuated with the fluorescent light tan of her accountant and she wants him right on the copier?

Yeah, neither do I. Mainly because none of those ever happened. See, how you know that accountants are low on the cool totem pole is that there is never a hot sex scene with one in a movie.

The only movie I can remember where an accountant even has sex is the movie Deception where Hugh Jackman has to pay hookers to sleep with the accountant.

So as an accountant, I take no pride in being so far down the cool food chain. But spring springs eternal and the one thing I do get pleasure out of this time of year is making fun of people even less cool than accountants.

In the past, we've noted the following people less cool than accountants

Dungeon and Dragon dweebs
Star Wars/Star Trek geeks
Corvette guy

How do I know that these people are less cool than accountants? Because I'm pretty sure if I were matched up against these clowns for a woman, I'd come out with her. But the one group who tops the loser list is none other than..........

NFL draft dork.

If you are one of those jock sniffers going out tonight with your drug store list and a listing of every player who may be drafted take some advice from me. Don't do it. See, I don't have much of a choice about the accountant thing since I do it to make money. But this NFL draft obsession for you is supposed to be a hobby. Pick a new hobby cooler than this........ say....... bowling.

There is nothing more pathetic than watching a group of derelicts congregate to match up their mock drafts against each other just in time for the 2nd pick to be traded for Akili Smith or Tim Couch or Heath Schuler.

But hey don't believe me. Watch the Hollywood types. You won't find NFL draft dork even making it with a hooker. That pretty much says it all.