Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I won't be watching the State of the Union

I don't need to. I've already caught an excerpt of the speech.

.........So within the next week, I've authorized congress to consider targeted tax credits to every family for the purchase of a pony. Because shouldn't every family have one..........

......... In an attempt to cut down on alcoholism in this country, I've authorized the FDA to accelerate approval of a beauty cream that will make every one hot. By having lot's of beautiful people in this country, we'll have less need for alcohol consumption........

......... During the next two month's I will have approved a new cabinet level department responsible for building a time machine. Within the next decade "Back to the Future" will no longer be a science fiction movie but reality..........

......... I have requested that the Department of the Interior stop all current actions and concentrate specifically on protecting all species of unicorns and sasquatches in our national parks..........

......... I will not rest until we can rid all Hollywood actors of their Napoleon Complexes.......

......... In an attempt to rid ourselves of our dependence on foreign oil and solve global warming, I will commission a bi partisan think tank who's charge will be to design a world in which everything will run on magnets............

.......... and finally, I want to encourage all parents to discontinue making reference to the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus......... There is only one person who can deliver everything to the American people and he is an omnipresent American president with a lot of taxpayer money and a State of the Union address..............



If I missed your particular fantasy insert here_____________________.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"In order to tone down the harsh rhetoric I intend to target for termination all metaphoric usages of weaponry and death in political discourse. I have appointed a war room committee who's task is to focus like a laser beam on, and kill violent threats made by the wrong people. "